Reaching Out After a Miscarriage

Reaching Out After a Miscarriage


By Brenda Hyde

A loss of a baby through miscarriage is a difficult and emotional time for mother, and father. I speak from experience, because I suffered two miscarriages-one at about 10 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. It's a very private loss-one that is hard to share with friends and family, especially if you have already announced your pregnancy to the world. If you know someone that has suffered a miscarriage there are many quiet and thoughtful things you can do for them that may help their recovery or at least let them know you are thinking of them.

First, know that whether it is the first or the third miscarriage, the pain is still the same, and the need for comfort does not diminish. My mother gave me a Helen Steiner Rice book, Heart Gifts, that I still treasure for it's uplifting and inspirational words. Books are always a wonderful gift from the heart, whether uplifting, humorous or encouraging.

Small tokens such as an angel pin or a keepsake are also thoughtful gifts when someone is in need of comfort. You are letting them know that they are in your thoughts and you care about them. A simple bouquet of flowers from your garden or a florist would also convey this, as well as a card or a pretty bookmark.

Practical ideas can be a blessing when someone needs time to recuperate, such as offering to entertain their children for an afternoon or bringing a prepared meal that can be warmed up for one or two dinners. Miscarriages are hard on women physically, as well as emotionally. After my first miscarriage I was required to check into the hospital, but during the second one my doctor decided I could recuperate at home. Because I was at home, instead of the hospital, many people assumed I didn't need assistance. Actually, the second time was very stressful and exhausting, almost more than the first. Don't assume things-instead ask questions!

Also, be sensitive to the wishes of the mother if there are other children in the family. We did not tell our children-they were too young to understand and we simply explained that we were mistaken and Mama wouldn't be having a new baby right away. Find out how the parents are handling the situation, so you don't say the wrong thing in front of siblings.

Most importantly, don't make the mistake of not acknowledging the mother's loss. Grieving is important, and ignoring what happened will only make it more painful for everyone involved. You can never go wrong with a hug and a whispered "I am here if you need me."

Recommended Books:

Heart Gifts

by Helen Steiner Rice

Simple Abundance : A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Gracious Living in a New World: Finding Joy in Changing Times

by Alexandra Stoddard

About the Author

Brenda Hyde is a freelance writer, editor and mother of three, living in Michigan. She gave birth to her daughter Emily after two miscarriages and 9 long months of worry, anticipation and joy.

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