A loss of a baby through miscarriage is a difficult and
emotional time for mother, and father. I speak from
experience, because I suffered two miscarriages-one
at about 10 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. It's a
very private loss-one that is hard to share with friends and
family, especially if you have already announced
your pregnancy to the world. If you know someone that
has suffered a miscarriage there are many quiet and
thoughtful things you can do for them that may help
their recovery or at least let them know you are
thinking of them.
First, know that whether it is the first or the third
miscarriage, the pain is still the same, and the need
for comfort does not diminish. My mother gave me
a Helen Steiner Rice book, Heart Gifts, that I still
treasure for it's uplifting and inspirational words. Books
are always a wonderful gift from the heart, whether uplifting,
humorous or encouraging.
Small tokens such as an angel pin or a keepsake
are also thoughtful gifts when someone is in need of
comfort. You are letting them know that
they are in your thoughts and you care about them.
A simple bouquet of flowers from your garden or a florist would
also convey this, as well as a card or a pretty bookmark.
Practical ideas can be a blessing when
someone needs time to recuperate, such as
offering to entertain their children for an afternoon
or bringing a prepared meal that can be warmed up
for one or two dinners. Miscarriages are hard on
women physically, as well as emotionally. After
my first miscarriage I was required to check into
the hospital, but during the second one
my doctor decided I could recuperate at home. Because
I was at home, instead of the hospital, many people
assumed I didn't need assistance. Actually, the
second time was very stressful and exhausting, almost
more than the first. Don't assume things-instead
ask questions!
Also, be sensitive to the wishes of the mother if
there are other children in the family. We did not
tell our children-they were too young to understand
and we simply explained that we were mistaken
and Mama wouldn't be having a new baby right
away. Find out how the parents are handling the
situation, so you don't say the wrong thing in front
of siblings.
Most importantly, don't make the mistake of
not acknowledging the mother's loss. Grieving
is important, and ignoring what happened will
only make it more painful for everyone involved.
You can never go wrong with a hug and a
whispered "I am here if you need me."
Recommended Books:
Heart Gifts
by Helen Steiner Rice
Simple Abundance : A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
by Sarah Ban Breathnach
Gracious Living in a New World: Finding Joy in Changing Times
by Alexandra Stoddard
About the Author
Brenda Hyde is a freelance writer, editor and
mother of three, living in Michigan. She gave birth to her daughter
Emily after two miscarriages and 9 long months of worry, anticipation
and joy.
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