If Not Now, Then When?
By Kim Tilley of FrugalMoms.com
Why is it that we postpone what we want most in life? Why do we save the
"good things" for a rainy day that never comes? Recently, several events
in my life have jolted me to a startling conclusion: that I am not
allowing myself to be as happy as I could be, that I am postponing my
own joy.
I don't know exactly what jolted me from my daily reverie- I've always
thought of myself as a pretty happy person. Perhaps it was my parents'
talk of retirement. Could they really be old enough to retire? Or
perhaps it was the realization that my time with my kids is flying by so
quickly. There are so many things I've been planning to do with them,
but I never get around to it. I find myself asking, "If not now, then
when?" If I wait too much longer, it might be too late.
Looking back, I realize that I developed this habit of putting off
happiness when I was dirt poor and full of worry. To get through the
hard times, I'd make deals with myself. "I'll be happy when..." Just
fill in the blank- "when the bills are paid" or "when we have a nicer
home", "when I'm thinner". These became my mantras. They got me through
the day, and to the next payday- they were my survival skills.
But whenever I met the goals I had set for myself, the happiness didn't
come like I expected it to. It seems that I was storing my happiness
away, like fine china that's only used on holidays. I waited so long to
take my happiness off the shelf, that when I finally did, it didn't feel
right. I had waited too long.
Being happy in the here and now is an art form. It's certainly not easy.
The memories we make now are the ones that will last a lifetime, but
we're often too busy looking ahead of us to stop and enjoy what's around
us. We've all heard about the overweight woman who loses a ton of weight
and becomes a knockout, only to find that she still isn't happy. She had
what she wanted, but still felt empty inside.
Happiness is not always found when we finally reach our goals, but along
the road, in the daily, mundane business of living. It's found in the
stillness of an early morning sunset, before the rest of the household
awakens. It's found in the profile of a mighty mountain but also in the
curves and lines of a delicate flower. And it's found in the contagious
smile of a small child as you hold his hand and walk with him, taking in
the world together.
These ARE the best days of our lives. We should treat them as such- by
rejoicing in the time we are given, and living every day as if it's our
best and only day to live. When we are old, will we really look back on
our lives and wish we had worked more or kept a better house? Will we
have regrets that we didn't achieve our heart's desire because we were
afraid of failing? I know that I do not want to have those kinds of
regrets.
We need to bridge this distance between ourselves and our dreams, as
well as ourselves and our loved ones. Perhaps our heart's desire
requires us to take the chances we fear. It may require us to open parts
of ourselves that we have learned to protect out of feelings of
rejection or failure. But only we can give ourselves wings to fly. Only
we can set our hearts free and give ourselves permission to feel joy.
So what to do? I plan to get reacquainted with myself, to silence the
daily noise of life and look within; to listen to the soft, still voice
inside of me. There is a saying: "Follow your heart, it knows the way
that you should go."
If we learn to tune out the distractions of life, we will hear the words
we need to hear. But we can't put it off another day. We have to resolve
to face our fears and dreams sooner rather than later, and ask
ourselves: "If not now, then when?"
If we do that, some day soon we may find that we have acheived our
heart's desire, and fulfilled our inner wishes. And that is where each
of us will find true wealth- not in the things we postponed being happy
about, but in the things we rejoiced in every day.
About the Author
Kim Tilley, a tightwad at heart, is the mother of three active boys and the founding editor of Frugal-Moms.com. Frugal by
force and later by choice, Kim cut her income by 60% to stay at home with her
children and discovered that anyone can live better for less. Her work has
appeared in print publications such as The Tightwad Gazette. In her free
time, she entertains herself by chasing kids and finding ways to create
something from nothing!
Recommended Books
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
by Sarah Ban Breathnach
Living The Simple Life: A Little Treasury
by Elaine St. James (Editor)
