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Just Sitting With It
by Catie Gosselin of WomanLinks.com
The shock of my father's death is beginning to wane. The arrangements were
made. The funeral and burial followed. My family and I now find ourselves
faced with returning to our usual routines. The only hitch is that the grief
is not gone, not one of us is 'over it'. The very notion of life as usual,
as a result, seems surreal.
Just this weekend, my sister and I were discussing Easter. We were deciding
on the menu and who needed to do what, when she mentioned her husband would
order a kielbasa from a local farm. My first reaction was 'oh Dad will love
that'. He and the other men always crowd round kielbasa, debating whether or
not mustard was a necessary accessory. Then I remembered he was gone. It was
as if Emily LaTella snuck into my mind with an "Oh.......nevermind".
It feels strange to be reeling like this, as we knew for so many years, this
is how it would end. Like the rigors of childbirth, there really is no way
to prepare for loss. You just can't steel your psyche to avoid grief. At
times it washes over your heart with the force of a tidal wave. At other
times, it is a slow persistent whisper in the back of your mind. One way or
another, it will be heard.
There is also no way to expedite the process. Although the public ceremonies
are over, we must all sit privately with our grief for some time yet. So,
we'll return to our everyday lives, and make plans for the future.
Eventually, there will come a day, when it all won't feel so alien. I'll be
able to answer the question 'how are you?' without tears welling in my eyes.
My sons won't need to crawl into my lap and sob at the slightest
frustration. We won't be startled by the telephone's ring at an odd hour.
For now, though, it's all any of us can do to just sit with it.
Copyright 2002 Catie Gosselin
About the Author
Catie Gosselin is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com. She
is a freelance writer, homeschooling mom of two, and lives with her husband
of thirteen years in Massachusetts.
For more Family Remembrance features visit our Index.
SeptemberLady "Born and have lived in Southern MD most of my life. My husband and I just finished building a new home on the family farm, where I hope to retire in the near future.
My interests: Doll collecting, cookbook collector (especially old ones), antiques, family/friend get-togethers, cooking/baking, flower and vegetable gardening, bird-watching."
Memorial Day: Backyard Grilling Memorial Day signals the start of barbecue season. Everyone wants to light that fire and charcoal that first meal. A few tips might pre- vent your entree from becoming a "Burnt Offering."
Read these tips for plenty of grilling ideas, make this year's barbecue perfect!
Growing and Using Garlic Chives Garlic chives, Allium tuberosum, is a hardy perennial (Zones 3-9) that will grow to about 12 inches high. The stems are skinnier and flat, instead of hollow as are regular chives, with greenish white blooms that are about an inch wide and not as rounded. They bloom in the summer rather than spring. The bloom stalks grow much taller than the leaves, sometimes up to 30 inches.
The stems and blooms are both edible and have a mild garlic onion taste. I've noticed many writers will list this as primarily as an Asian herb, as they are also known as Chinese chives, Chinese leeks, ku chai (China) or Nira (Japan), but it has many other uses as well!
The Perfect Porch Swing Perhaps it is the soothing rhythm or the reassuring creak of the porch swing that attracts us. Perhaps it is the companionable silence or quiet conversation. Or maybe swings simply remind us of more genteel times.
Although porch swings can be purchased in a wide range of materials, the most common are wicker and wood. You can also make your own porch swing from one of the myriad of woodworking patterns available at garden centers, hardware stores, or on the Internet.
Memorial Day: Backyard Grilling
Growing and Using Garlic Chives
The Perfect Porch Swing