A Book Review By Brenda Hyde
Facing the Ultimate Loss:
Coping with the Death of a Child
Authors Robert J. Marx and Susan Wengerhoff Davidson
Published by Champion Press Ltd.
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I watched my parents suffer after losing my brother at
19 years old in a sudden accident. I also watched a
neighbor drive the car his son had owned before he
died until it was rusty, old and barely drivable. Over
the years I've discussed the loss of a child with mothers,
grandmothers and great grandmothers. All experienced
their losses at different times, but all had the same
sadness in their eyes when talking of their child. If I've
learned anything it's that the grieving over the loss of
a child is different than other losses. If you haven't
experienced it, you can't completely understand the
depth of the grief, but when I read Facing the Ultimate
Loss: Coping with the Death of a Child, I was able to
understand better what my parents, my neighbor, and the
many women I have spoke with were going through.
Robert Marx and Susan Wengerhoff Davidson have
written a guide for parents and those who want to
understand what it takes to cope, such as professionals, friends, and
family members. It's important for everyone involved with
grieving parents to understand the complexity of their grief.
They don't needed the added stress of misunderstandings.
I wish every social worker, funeral director or hospice had
a copy of this handbook to give grieving families, plus a copy
to read themselves. It would make a world of difference.
Chapters include:
Darkness: Can I Ever Accept the Fact That My Child is Dead
Who Am I Now? Recognizing Myself
How Can We Ever Say Goodbye?
Fingerprints in Time
Do Our Children Ever Die?
There is Never Enough Time
How Did Your Child Die?
Bonds That Can Never Be Shattered
Anger
Guilt
Changed Hopes-Changed Lives
The Family in Transition
Mourning Out of Control
The Search for Faith
How Can I Face the Future Without My Child
The authors mention that there are many books on
grief out there. That is true, but some books have a
narrow worldview that may not reach everyone, others
are too much like a lecture, and still others talk down
to the reader. I liked Facing the Ultimate Loss: Coping
with the Death of a Child because it allows for the differences
between mothers, fathers, men, women and personalities.
There is no one formula to recover from the death of a child,
but the authors give guidelines that may help a grieving parent
find their way out of the darkness to begin coping.
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Powell's online bookshop carries copies of the Facing the Ultimate Loss.
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