My mom at 82 passed away this past Christmas, but... As I think of my
mom prior to her illness, (She had not been herself since '85. Strokes
and dementia had taken away much of her personality) I think of
someone whose total FOCUS was her kids and my mom was a "working mom."
She was a cook, then head cook at Ambridge High, but this played a
minute role when compared to her kids, my brother and me. We knew,
in our every breathing moments, that we were the most important
aspect of her life. She centered her world on us. She had many hobbies.
She wasn't an unbalanced individual whose kids were the beginning and
end. She baked exquisite creations and her baked goods were in high
demand in her community. Holidays were a pure delight because she
set the mood in our home. She decorated our apartment as if it were
a downtown Pittsburgh department store.
She took care of my Dad and his starched shirts, lunches and
meals as if he were the president who must make an impeccable
impression. She was always looking for ways to bring in extra
cash. She sold cards, nut rolls and candy and many other things.
She had a true entrepreneurial spirit. Nonetheless, we knew that
her family was the CENTER of her life. She was self-sacrificing.
My brother went away to a prep school and I was placed in private
schools. Paid out of the income of a head cook and meat cutter (dad).
Mom wore the same dress all through my brother's schooling. We didn't
even notice.
She told us years later... probably after Alzheimer's set in.
As I think of the example my mom displayed in her mothering,
her parenting I wonder: will my children be able to say the
same about me? Will your children, when you are eighty-one and
in a nursing home or hospital be able to praise you? Eighty-one
seems far away, but at least that span allows us time to contemplate
and time to change... "Those who believe we go from this world to
another say that this love is all we take. Either way, it forms the
foundation of a home, as solid as stone and as deep as memory."
from Shelter for the Spirit by Victoria Moran.
Alzheimers Resources
Here are some
Alzheimers resources:
About Alzheimer: Info and caregiver tips
Alzheimer Disease Information
Alzheimer Association: Lots of information.
Penpal type of support
American Journal of Alzheimers: A place to do a little research
And For the Caregiver:
Kate's Place: Dynamic Help
The National Family of Caregivers
Support for Caregivers
© 2000 Caroline Shaw
About the Author
Caroline Shaw is a mom of six, she lives with her husband, Bernie,
three children, (still at home) two kitties and a collie near
Pittsburgh. A graduate of Duquesne Univ. in Pittsburgh, she
is publisher and editor of an online magazine, A Moms Love, written
for and by Moms.
